Setting expectations

We’ve all seen this familiar scene. You’re at the grocery store and you hear a child screaming and crying at the check-out line next to yours. Trying not to look like a nosy neighbour you peek at your magazine while catching a glimpse of the commotion. A mother is trying to settle her screaming toddler who seems to be freaking out about wanting a ‘treat’. More people turn to look at this poor frazzled mom, some quite rudely and blatantly peer their eyes at her. Then she takes a chocolate bar off the rack, opens it up and gives it to her child while handing the now empty wrapper to the cashier.
I am a strong advocate in bringing your children out of the home whether to a restaurants, shopping or visiting friends. The more frequent you do it the less of a hassle it will become when they get older. If you have not taken your children out because it is a hassle, do these steps and you will be out having a family dinner or shopping for groceries with well behaved kids in no time at all.
Shopping for children is as fun as watching you cutting your toe nails unless there is something in it for them. I'm not saying that you need to throw them a treat or a party every time you step out of the house. That goes against everything I believe in BUT you need to set expectations and SOMETIMES throw in a trip to the park or a visit at grand-ma's where they're sure to get a treat. Do not let this become a pattern as it will become a not so good expectation from your child that he/she deserves a treat for acting 'good'. The normal expectation you set is that your child should be kind and well behaved every time you go out, treat or no treat.

·         Sit your child down at eye level in front of you.  Do not speak to your child from another room while you’re putting on your lipstick. 

·         Explain that you are going shopping for a birthday present for ‘Joe’ and that is the ONLY item your buying today.

·         Tell your child that it will be a toy store that you’re going to and that you know he/she will see things they want but it’s ‘Joe’s’ birthday and we’re ONLY shopping for him.

·         Now set the expectation; I expect you to hold my hand at all times.  I want you to listen to mommy and be a good boy/girl.  Speak in a clear, calm voice.

·         Keep your expectations simple.  The more ‘rules’ you throw in the more complicated it gets for your child and the rules will be lost after the 3^rd or 4^th.

·         If your plan is to go to the park after your shopping trip tell your child that if they misbehave at the store you will go straight home instead of at the park.

·         While at the store when your child sees something they like and says “can I have that?” Remind them of your conversation at home before your left. Let her/him know that they only came out to get a gift for ‘Joe’.

·         If your child starts to misbehave and not listen, get down in front of them (on your knee) and remind them that you are supposed to go to the park after but that if he/she does not listen to you, you will go straight home.  A maximum of 3 warnings and its game over for your child.

·         DO NOT give empty threats.  This means do not threaten to not do something if they misbehave but do it anyways.  What do you think will happen the next time? 

After your trip to the store if they held your hand, did not touch anything, break anything, run away or cause any kind of commotion tell them; you know what honey, mommy is so very proud of the way you behaved I would like to take you to the park for JUST 15 minutes or however long you have.  Again, set the expectation;

·         Honey, we have 15 minutes to play at the park before we need to get home and start making dinner.

·         I will let you know before it’s time to go that it will be time to go soon.  I expect that when I tell you it’s time to go that you will listen to mommy/daddy and that you will come without yelling and screaming that you’re not ready to leave.

·         If you do not listen to mommy/daddy I will not take you to the park tomorrow to play with your friends because you did not listen to me.

·         STICK TO IT!  If your child does not behave when it’s time to go and gives you a difficult time explain to them (again at eye level) that you do not appreciate their behaviour and the next time you’re invited to a play date they will stay home because he/she did not listen when it was time to go.  Make sure your friend calls you within a few days to set up a play date so that you can answer her/him “I’m sorry we can’t come because ‘Allie’ did not listen to me yesterday when we were at your home.  Maybe next week.”

·         DO NOT buy your kids treats for good behaviour.  They are humans not circus animals needing to do special tricks for treats.

Please send me questions and or comments as I would love to hear your stories or help you with your situation at home.
Happy parenting everyone!