I’m certain even after this blog of mine the age old argument will continue to trickle into conversations around the world. Who works harder; the parent who works in an office all day vs. the stay-at-home-parent? I had my opinions about stay-at-home-parents growing up and well into adulthood. I couldn’t understand how they stayed at home while the kids went to school and my opinion of them was summed up in one word; Lazy. Now I’m walking in those shoes of the stay-at-home-parent so here’s where I stand now.
Before I had children I knew that I wanted to spend the first few years of my children’s lives at home with them. I didn’t want to miss a single beat of their little lives as I knew just how quickly it would go. I also didn’t want to have some stranger teaching my child their milestones like walking and going pee on the potty. I wanted those accomplishments acclaimed to my dedication and hard work. My husband and I talked in length about my quitting my career at the bank to stay at home. After my first born it did not make financial sense for me to stay at home. Here’s a look at our schedule during the week in which I cried myself to sleep almost every single night. We were up around 5:30am. Claudia would sit in front of the TV watching Elmo and eating her breakfast while my husband and I got ready for work. We would leave at 7am and by 7:15am we had dropped her off at daycare and were on our way to work for 8am. We would pick her up at 6pm – on a good night, I would then make dinner while she watched TV. Dinner was the only ‘family’ time. Then it was a quick book and off to bed. Sometimes I would squeeze a quick bath but most nights I tried to get her into bed by 7pm as we were up around 5:30am the following morning. I lived this, what I call madness, for a little over a year when I finally went on holidays awaiting my maternity leave for my second child.
Factoring in daycare in Ontario for two children plus our dry cleaning, and occasional new dress pants, shirt or skirt and of course the shoes to update my wardrobe plus everyday clothes for myself, husband and children, gas and the coffee’s purchased at work, etc... = $$$$$. So I stayed home as it made financial sense. We had one vehicle so I literally was staying at home. I finally got the serenity I longed for. So I thought.
Here I am at home with my two year old little girl who is calm and easy to entertain and my active, energetic little baby boy. I am just grateful that he sleeps fairly well during the day. Trying to keep up with laundry, housework and meals was almost just as challenging as when I worked at the office. I not only had to play and entertain the children but there were all these chores that seemed to appear just as I thought I had finished them. Somewhere along the lines my husband and I talked about how I could make some extra cash while at home. I can’t say for certain who had suggested this but eventually the daycare idea came to life. I took a course through Algonquin college, which was not in any way, shape or form difficult but definitely needed to set some time aside to read the material and hand in simple essays. I then took on a little girl about the same age as Sebastien and a few months later a little boy of the same age. It was like having triplets.
I lived in the country and the only neighbour around to talk to was older than my mother. A wonderful woman and bless her for trying to help me with my gardening giving me plants that needed little to no green thumb. If I wanted to go out with the children I would have to pack everyone up and drive my husband to work so that I could have the van that day.
We got pregnant for our third and realized we now had literally grown out of our home. We decided to move provinces and be closer to my family. I felt secluded in some sense so months before delivering Madison I started packing up the house and closed up the daycare. She was just 3 months old when we moved and I’m amazed that I was able to do it all. I did show signs of stress and only now realize it in hind sight. I didn’t think I would open a daycare given the fact that Quebec is subsidised but I ended up acquiring one through meeting parents at Claudia’s new school. So here I was, Claudia is off to school, Sebastien and Madison at home with me plus 3 full time daycare kids and 2 part time after school. That was a total of 8 children from 7am to 4:30pm and oh yes, in Quebec teachers have 20 PD days. It was the most insane year up-to-date. It is a wonder why I was stressed (sorry for the sarcasm but I can’t help it sometimes, heehee).
Now almost 7 years later this is what I have much respect for and have learned;
I am every so grateful that I can prepare a healthy meal for my family most evenings and have a stress free dinner to discuss everyone’s day. That is as long as we’re not off bringing one to dance or the other to beavers. I am every so grateful that my husband and I do not have to have discussions over who’s turn it is to stay at home with one of the kids when they’re sick, as we did with Claudia. It is my job unless I am the one who is sick. I am super grateful for having spent all this time at home with my children and wish time could have only slowed down instead of what seems like speed up.
I do have a lot of respect for the working parent as much as the stay-at-home parent. I believe it is almost acceptable that a working parent have a ‘messy’ house as they are not home to clean up. So it is with this reflection that there is an unspoken expectation that they stay-at-home parent accomplish it all otherwise they are labelled as ‘lazy’. Having a home and caring for it inside and out is another job in itself. It is next to impossible as the children alone take up a lot of time. I could call upon the almighty baby-sitter ‘The TV’ everyday so that I could get my chores done but then what would be the point of me being at home with them? This is and may be my job once all the children are at school so I apologize to all those stay-at-home parents I labelled lazy. My mind set has certainly changed now having walked in those shoes. And now isn’t that the point of all this – not to judge unless you’ve walked a mile in ones shoes.
Happy parenting everyone!
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