When and how do I use a Time out?

Children are all adorable and innocent looking so it’s difficult for a parent to imagine that your little Angel will ever need a time out.  It’s not that they are trying to be ‘bad’.  Remember that your child is new to everything and must explore his/her surroundings.  They are learning the ways on how to communicate, how to play and share with others.   It is your duty as a parent to guide them.

Children are very smart and capable humans.  They know and understand a lot more than you may give them credit for.  So when I tell you that I have put my one year old in a time-out don’t take a breath in shock.  If your one year old hits another child it is for a reason but its not proper behaviour to express how they feel.  If the behaviour is not corrected because you feel your child does not understand, the behaviour will continue and it will be that much more difficult to correct the longer you decide your child does not understand.  They will fully understand and develop proper ways to communicate with other children with your guidance.

Using time outs is giving your child time to reflect on the behaviour that your feel was inappropriate.  I restrain as best I can from using the word ‘bad’ with my children.  It has slipped a few times and will correct it if I catch myself.  I usually will tell them that the behaviour was not a proper way to play, communicate or behave. 

How to discipline using a time out;

·         Get down to your child’s level so that your making eye contact

·         Speak in a clear, calm but stern voice (NOT yelling) and tell your child that his/her behaviour was unacceptable just now (whether it was hitting, throwing a toy, etc..)

·         Tell your child that they must sit in a Time out

·         Find a place away from other children, a step outside or indoors for them to sit.  Don’t place them in a corner facing the wall – I don’t feel this is very effective but that’s just my personal opinion.  It should be a place that you can see them and keep an eye on them to ensure they stay sitting on their bums.

·         If your child gets up before the time out is finished – you are the parent and you’re in charge.  Take your child back to the time out spot and tell them you did not tell them it was time to get up.  Place them gently back on the step, floor or chair.

·         If your child older and you’re using time outs for the first time this may be challenging in the beginning.  Keep to it, stick to your guns and be firm.  Start your time over every time your child gets out of time out (over the age of 4) and tell them that every time they get up their time starts over again.  No matter if it’s 15 times that you have to keep placing your child in a time out – keep putting them back.  It WILL work if you are persistent and consistent.  In no time your child will know that if they misbehave it is a time out for them. 

·         A time out should be ‘x’ minutes = to your child’s age.  So for a year old it’s 1 min, 2 yrs = 2 min, etc...

·         DO watch your clock.  If you leave your one year old sit in a time out for 5 minutes it will be lost to him/her after that as to why they were put in a T/O in the first place. 

·         Once the time is up approach your child once again at eye level.  Speak in a clear voice and tell your child why they went into a time out and the kind of behaviour you prefer to see instead.

·         If your child is over the age of 2 then you should ask your child why they went into a time out, instead of telling them.  Once they answer you ask them what kind of behaviour mom/dad would have preferred to see from them.  Parenting is repetition, remember, so even if your child answers you and knows what kind of behaviour they should be modeling does not mean that they will not repeat the ‘bad’ behaviour.  But it does mean that it will happen less frequently to not at all. 

It is important to stick to it.  I often hear some parents say that they’ve tried putting their child in a time out but they don’t work.  They don’t work because parents don’t stick to it, don’t make it work and allow their child to get out before the time is up.  When you go to work and you have a project due you’ll work on it, research it and rehearse your presentation to make certain it goes off without a hitch.  Why not put the same effort into raising your children?  The rewards are far better than a pat on the back from pals at the office – I believe.  And you will enjoy spending your days off with your children instead of trying to get away from the chaos.  The chaos was in fact created by your neglecting your duties as a parent.

If you have a better way of disciplining your child that does not involve yelling or hitting and is not a time out, please share.

Happy parenting!